Saying Goodbye to Mom

It’s hard to say goodbye to someone who has passed, especially when your ‘hellos’ were cut short before the end.

I miss my mom. She passed a year ago yesterday. We weren’t close. As much as I love her I had to come to terms with her mental illness and how it impacts her relationships -which included her relationship with me. Things were black and white with her….either you were with her or against her….either you were all good or all evil. There was not in between. That’s the hallmark of borderline personality disorder. She was also delusional. Mom thought she shot JFK -she was 9 when that happened. Mom thought she could communicate with Jim Carrey, psychically. She told me she had powers that she could not explain to me just yet, but that one day she would tell me. And no, she wasn’t a witch. She was just ill.

I have to remind myself that my mother was ill when I was little in order to help me understand her all or nothing behavior. I have to remind myself she was ill when I have to reckon with how she worked so hard to make me feel small, crazy and inadequate one moment, then told me she loved me the next. As an adult she told me I was the perfect daughter …until I wouldn’t unfriend my own brother -her son- on Facebook. I guess he was being a jerk. I don’t know. But I told her no, I would not unfriend me, and she wasn’t to tell me what to do.

That was the end.

Mom cut communication after that, but this wasn’t the first time. We once didn’t talk for 7 years, and not because I didn’t try. She didn’t want to because I called her out on her emotional abuse. Still, I sent her cards every year for her birthday and Christmas. Eventually that ended and we resolved our issues by ignoring that one in its entirety. Then it happened again, only this time I chose to not pursue. When her birthday came around I told myself “No. It will do no good. Do not torture yourself. Let her go”. That was September 26th.

She died October 11th.

Does it hurt that I didn’t get to say goodbye to mom? Yes. So today, on this rainy day, I sit and ruminate. I think of her and miss the good that she was, because very few of us are completely terrible. Most of us are a cluster of black and white, with varying shades of gray within us.

I love you mom. You will forever be a part of who I am.

Managing Karma When Spellcasting

Sometimes someone does something so terrible and we just want them to stop their behaviors or suffer for their wrongdoing. And it might not be so much that we want them to suffer as it is we want them to experience the consequences of their actions…and that’s where karma comes in. We can cast karmic spells to speed up the effect of karma. For me, it usually takes three days.  However, when we do it -and any kind of spell casting, or as I like to call it, ‘willing my intentions’- we have to be aware of our deepest intent and know that sometimes the things we do will come back to us. Word it wisely and focus on positive outcomes. My last proactive willing for karma to take effect was three days ago during a waning moon, and it was in response to the behavior of my ex towards my children. My main intention simply stated “May he see the pain he creates within others.” I have no worries about this in regards to karma because it is for the well being of my children, and in the long run it might help him out.  The only thing that might come back to me is an increased ability to see the pain I cause others, but I have no fear of this because I actually care about those around me. Being an extreme empath, it can’t get much worse. What will it do? Make me kinder and more compassionate?

There are those who practice who do not believe karma exists, or that there are ways around it. Here is what I know: If you believe it, it’s true. So, because I believe that what I do will come back to me, I always have awareness in my workings and I am always cautious. Better safe than sorry, right?

A good way to begin a karmic spell is by starting off with protection. Imagine that you have a ball of white light that emanates within your heart -pure white light. Imagine that this light is growing and growing, until it envelopes your entire body. Then focus on this white light and ask it what would be a positive karma intention that would ensure the highest good, both for yourself and even for the offending party. We have to go into this with the understanding that oftentimes those who offend are merely souls who are hurting in some way and haven’t found healthy tools to cope, so they lash out. There are exceptions to this, and there does exist in this world seemingly evil people who seek to suck the life out of every one and every thing in their wake, but that’s a topic for another day.

For more information on spell casting:

Visit our store for more items to aid in spell casting.


Death is just a door to another place

I came in to work today to find out one of my clients had died over the weekend. This is never an easy thing to hear. When you sit with someone and connect with them, it becomes difficult to imagine the world without them. It doesn’t help that my own mother died a year ago this October 11th, and her birthday is in two days. I can’t say I miss her because we weren’t close, but it is in her absence that I remember how much I loved her when I was a small child. That’s the weird thing. In life I focused on the negative, though I always said I forgave her. In death, I can actually feel the love I felt for her long ago, and it hurts.

It’s strange to me to feel sadness. I know that when we die, we simply pass through the door we came through before entering the world. We go back to where we came from. But it is an odd feeling being in a world that is absent that person because it seems like they have always been here, and they should stay.

The first ‘real’ death I experienced was a close friend. He died at 19. His funeral was open casket and I remember looking into his casket at his body thinking, “He’s right there. But he is so not there. Where is he if he is no longer there….and how can he just be gone?” I didn’t cry. I was numb.

So regardless of the illusion of death, and no matter how much we have come to terms, there is still a void we have to cope with. It’s okay to be sad.

Sometimes I think to myself that death …maybe…isn’t even real. Maybe the ones who have died have merely went to a parallel universe and are continuing from there. There were many instances I thought I could have died, and maybe in some sense I did. In that reality it’s a possibility I did die, but created a new reality around me where I didn’t -a parallel universe. To me it feels at times that we are constantly shifting into a new reality -like, every single time a decision is made.

In the meantime I will sit in my office and listen to quiet music and silently mourn because regardless of reality shifts, those I have lost so far are clearly gone from mine.

The Law of Attraction

Since before I learned of the law of attraction, I used it. Growing up in poverty and not wanting to succumb to fatalistic attitudes, I focused on gratitude. Before I went to bed each night I thought about all that I had to be grateful for, regardless of circumstance, and I visualized what I wanted to happen with my life, as opposed to what I didn’t want to happen with my life.

This is something I recommend to my clients. Gratitude is a valuable thing. Studies show that gratitude creates happiness, not the other way around, and the law of attraction works with those positive feelings to bring more good things to reality…if you focus on the good, that is. Never focus on the bad.

So what is this law of attraction? Watch the video below to learn more.


Does wearing a suit make me an asshole?

So, I have this regular job/career where I get to pretend to be a professional person for approximately 8 hours a day. It would not look strange for me to wear slacks, a button up blouse, maybe even a blazer and pointed toe shoes, etc. But I don’t. I could carry a briefcase….but I don’t. I could walk around with my nose in the air and say things like, “Indeed” and whatever in the fuck pretentious people who act like they are better than everyone else say. But I don’t. I spent an upwards of 100k for an education that pretty much guarantees that I was be able to secure employment for as long as my cognition and ‘peopling’ are up to par. But I digress….I did not begin this blog because I wanted to talk about what I could potentially wear at work and how I could act in the real world. I started it because I came face to face with someone yesterday who was acting just this way and it bugged the shit out of me. I needed to vent.

The organization I work for has to have certain kinds of licensure, therefore, every year or so we get an inspection. Yesterday we got an inspection. The guy doing the inspecting wore a suit. He acted…like a man in a suit. Guaranteed he has no more education than half the people I work with, but we do not act this way. We have heavy responsibilities, but we do not act this way. We change peoples lives, but we don’t act this way. And I kept wondering “Is it that he is an asshole which makes him wear the suit?  Or does the suit make him an asshole? Or, do I automatically assume he is a pretentious asshole because he is in a suit?” I suppose I should take into account my own assumptions and ask myself why they are even there to begin with.

What do you think? What makes the man/woman in a suit an asshole? Or am I completely wrong?


Author: Chris Web -contributor


Separating the self from chaos

Wikimedia via Creative Commons

Yesterday I went to my ex-husband’s house to pick up my children. His mother answered the door. I have committed to a detachment from her considering the events that developed when we were completing the divorce. In short, she accused me of being money hungry when I have never asked for anything. She clearly  doesn’t know me. After 12 years, she still doesn’t know me. She was present for our son’s birth…but, she didn’t know me. Part of me thinks she chooses to not think of me as a worthwhile person because my belief systems challenge those of her own, but in truth, it doesn’t matter. I chose detachment and will no longer engage with her. When she opened the door, all I said was “hi” but didn’t feign complete adoration of her. She took it as me “being hateful” and proceeded to attack me with words and insinuations in the presence of my children.

Good job, super Catholic grandma. How many hail Mary’s are you going to need to do tonight to let go of your guilt for this one and ensure your place in heaven?

Chaos. She is sure chaos.

So what did I do?

I sat down and engaged with my ex. We talked about relevant topics and I gave her short clear answers when she asked me questions. She stood over me glaring like an angry bear that was hungry for confrontation. I did

n’t budge. I took deep breaths and kept my cool. Was I shook? Yes. But I didn’t let it control my behavior. We cannot always control how we feel; we can always control how we respond.

What I did was pull myself outside of the situation and viewed it as third person. I committed to not letting emotions overtake me because all those are are chemicals in the brain that are responding to fight or flight. I did neither. We have evolved past that. I stood my ground and did what needed to be done within the moment, then gathered my children and gave a warm goodbye to my ex and wished him well.

Admittedly, there was a little passive aggressiveness in how I responded, but no one is perfect. What I was not going to do was be a fake person and pretend that I have concerns and want to engage with a volatile personality.

In our relationships we can choose to engage or detach. If someone is abusive with you, it is usually best to detach. Don’t give them fuel. Let them fire up on their own, and burn out on their own, so all they have for later is self-reflection.

Karmic Spell

There are times in our lives where we feel that someone has hurt us tremendously and they deserve karmic law. Know that karma does exist and it will happen with time, regardless of any action on our part. However, if you would like to have it be a bit more expedient, and it makes you feel safer to commit to a karmic spell, there is an example here on

As with all spells, you must understand that what you send out will come back to you. I have done a karmic spell without realizing it. Did it work? Well, let’s just say that the person who did the injustice to me felt consequence within three days. And the emotional pain he put on me, he felt 3 fold. While I did not want him to hurt per say, because that is not what is in my heart, I felt hurt and wanted that pain to travel back to him….so hopefully he would leave myself and my children alone.

With all you do, try and practice with a pure heart.



Law of attraction in action


Anyone who has watched The Secret has an awareness of the law of attraction. Many celebrities stand behind the power of the law of attraction, including Oprah Winfrey and Steve Harvey. It’s a real thing. So what is the law of attraction? Simply put, whatever you put out to the universe comes back to you….which it is why it is so important to have positive thoughts. Too many of us think about what it is that we don’t want instead of the things we do want. It can work for you. If you don’t believe me, just try it with small goals first.

How it has worked for me? Every profound thing that has happened in my life over the last few years was a result of me using the law of attraction. I visualized the process by which I would get the job of my dreams, and it happened. I visualized the process by which I would start making more money, and it happened. I am not a millionaire by any means; however, this has never been my goal. I have made small goals for myself. Realistic goals. I visualized the process by which these goals might come to play…some might call it daydreaming. But to this day, it has always worked. What I have also done is listen to the universe for cues on when to take action. Not everyone can do this at first, but it is possible. When I wanted an easy divorce, I listened to the universe to tell me when the right time was. Everyone kept asking me “Why haven’t you filed yet?” …and I had good reason to not do it at precisely the right time. I waited. I waited until the day I woke up and the universe spoke to me and said, “Now. It’s now. Now or never.” I listened, and without going into much detail, the coordination of events that followed were nothing short of serendipitous and it happened exactly as I needed it to. It would not have happened that way at any other time.

The thing is, the universe will work with you if you listen. Have good intentions and a clear goal. Always know, however, that sometimes what we think we want might not be in our best interest, and the universe will put obstacles in front of us to protect us. If we are in alignment with the highest good, we can usually see what is right and what we should fight. So, when things do not work out, and you have done you part using the law of attraction, have faith that it is for the highest good. Maybe there are lessons to be learned that can be used for something greater later on.



Am I a natural witch?

CC Wikimedia

Chances are, if you came to this page, you ARE a natural witch. Are you more in tune with nature, do people’s feelings have a strong effect on you, and do you have intuitive dreams? If this is true of you, then you have a connection to the universe that allows you certain gifts. But… maybe what should be asking yourself is, “Why is it important for me to know if I am a natural witch?” When we experience extreme distress and feel the world is crumbling around us, or we are being profoundly hurt, or maybe sometimes we just don’t feel important or special, we try to find things within us to control or influence the situation. What you need to know is, even if you do not have a strong connection with the divine, you are important and yes, you are special. You were created, were you not? Therefore, you are important and you’re life has meaning even if you are not a ‘natural witch’. Also know that even if you do not feel that you have certain gifts, these things can be learned. We all have some form of connection. It is just a process of opening up our minds, our hearts, and learning to listen to the beat of the universe.

What exactly is a natural witch? What some might consider a natural witch is really just someone who is highly connected to the universe and those within it. Witchcraft in itself is a practice that dates back …well, probably from the time mankind became aware of his place in the world and realized there were scary things he couldn’t control. In essence, it was a means for control of one’s life and environment, and the perceived practice of ‘magic’. What was once considered magic is now being given different names, but that’s a topic for another day. As for the natural witch….well, we can feel people’s energy and we can influence things within our own lives. This also comes with the law of attraction -which we can all learn. A word of warning: When it comes to influencing others, we have to see where our heart is and be careful what our intentions are. To wish ill on others will inevitably come back to you. Of spells, they are simply mediums of focus.

My first spell was one of protection. I was eleven. No one taught me how to do a protection spell. I simply knew. I laid in my bed at night, afraid of the darkness that lurked, and visualized a white light that began within me and grew around me. It encircled my bed, my bedroom, and eventually my entire home. A spell can be simple, and like I said, it is a means of focusing your intention.

If you would like to explore the topic “Am I a natural witch” further, there are copious resources on the net, as well as some tests you can do for fun.

Here’s one quiz for entertainment purposes:  What Type of Witch Are You?

The damage of focusing on the external

CC Google Images

Yesterday I went to the DAV and found a formal dress from David’s Bridal, new with tags still attached. It was $139, but the DAV sticker said .75….and they were having a 50% off sale. I was overjoyed. Did I need the dress? No. In fact, the dress didn’t even fit anyone in my household, though I had hopes that at some time it might because….well, it’s nice to have just a random formal sitting around to be able to wear if the occasion hits. But seriously. Why did I buy it? What was it about the NWTs sticker that made it so valuable to me? I have no intention of selling it online, so it wasn’t for monetary gain. It was more about the illusion of status. As if owning an expensive dress gives me status or makes me worthy of something that I was unworthy of the moment before it fell under my ownership. 


This little scenario got me thinking, and as I was driving to lunch from work I noticed the same thing I notice almost every day. On a main street sat a homeless black man. He is an interesting character. Most days I see him walking in a wrap around garb, with long dreads and an intense face. He looks almost spiritual in attire and I often wonder if he has chosen this path to separate himself from the disease of consumerism that seems to have most of us wrapped around its fingers. But I don’t know, so I digress.

This man, who has seemingly nothing, is no better than I or the lawyer, judge, or postman that might walk by him on the same street -it’s downtown, so this scenario is not uncommon.  So I ask myself, why? What is it about this external focus that has most of us (seriously, like almost ALL of us) so tied up? And how does some object have the power to adjust my own thinking of myself? This is where the danger is. I know this. When we tie ourselves into things, money, status, and power over others…we fall short of what is real. We lose sight of what is actually real and important. When we have ‘things’ and we compare those ‘things’ to the things other people have, we are essentially comparing ourselves to other people. And what is funny about all this is it isn’t that we judge ourselves through our own eyes, we judge through theirs! We base our judgments of ourselves with how others see us. When we do this, we are saying their opinion matters more. And isn’t our opinion more important than any object? Isn’t the value we have in ourselves more important than that which others place on us, when essentially, they are doing the same thing. So, if I am here an I am judging myself on how another person sees me, and that other person is judging themselves on how they think I see them…isn’t it a bit ridiculous?

Long story short, I have already gone through this. For the most part, I see this thing for what it is and move past it. I try to live my life in integrity and find my own value within myself. But every once in a while, I have a little reminder….like when I go to the DAV to buy unnecessary ‘things’ for 50% off. We are all guilty. May we all work towards being better and learning to love ourselves as we are. When we do this, we will also love others for who they are, rather than who they are in reflection of ourselves.